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marriage after meeting on internet-advice please

edited May 2013 in - West Africa
I meet a man on a dating site...who was not who I he was..we chatted everday...he would not talk on cam...provided no info for contact...but did tell me with days his love for me...Lol..Red Flag...I kept chating knowing this was all BS..I am American..Single white woman...but after a while I told him..u r lying to me..Enough..I said..Look I dont care if you are a black man in Africa...If you dont be honest to me and confess to me your true self then be gone and goodbye...Because he started saying before this...I truely do love you and it is for real...Finally he did come clean...he is a black man from Nigeria...I have been told I am a Senses an sometime just know  things..?? But now we talk on cam...I sse him..he is no cafe...he dont ask for nothing from money...nothing...he ask me to marry him and yes wanted me to go there...I said..No..I am afraid an if you really love me..then you will come here..he replied yes if thats what he needs to do to marry me he said he will...that he loves me with all his life and only wants to spend his life with me forever..he give me his address and his mothers address...and we are on facebook...I see pictures of him and his family and friends on there...his profile picture is of me...he like so many there are poor...I do not care he is poor..or different race or from an other country..I love him an he loves me...he is a believer in God an goes to Church an prays often God see our hearts n love for each other and will bring us together soon...Sadly either of us have alot of money..n now trying to figure out how to Be Together as man n wife...I am researching to see if I can find orgnazations that bring people here thru either a sponsorship or work type visa...So my story is a little different than I see on here...but he really did fall in love with me...not sure how or why...but I will see how real n true once he is here..Any advice will be appreciated..TY...Cindy...USA..


  • ohhh im glad this is true but im going thru a different thing... I don't know if my guy is saying the truth I met him online he says hes  American but working for a period of time there in Nigeria...asked for money for a transaccition was found fake .. ok his boss disappeared ... asked for help to pay hotel

    because had no money ok I sent 1000 then for his ticket to come back to united states... same day flight he had an accident... "doctor" texted me .. how do I know it was really the doctor? I called hospital and can barely hear them .... I talk to him he seems to be in hospital but im not sure.. is there any way I can confirm this??? can u helpme:( probably not.. I don't know what to do

  • Cindy,  I'm sure you are telling the truth when you say you love this man, but remember that what you love is only your image of him. You have no idea what this person is actually like. But you do have some indication, in that he has asked you to marry him without ever meeting you, without you meeting his parents (very important in African culture). So I would say it is very likely that he is looking to find any white woman who will believe him and take him away from his poverty, since he has a fantasy that all white people are rich and marrying one will end all his troubles. But your troubles will only have just begun.

    I had a good friend who spent a lot of time in Gambia, Africa, and finally married a man there who she knew reasonably well. Yes, she had to meet his family before they would consent to the marriage, so she knew he was sincere, but as it turned out, his sincerity was very financial, and he refused to get a job, beat her, and eventually she had to throw him out of the house and divorce him.

    Cross-cultural marriages are hard enough. Matching two people from such different economic circumstances makes it even harder (no matter how little money you think you have, it it many times more than he has.) If you still think it realistic that you can really know and understand and love someone just over the Internet, then I would say at all costs you should do nothing till you have met him and his family in person. Take a trip to his home town and see what you find. It will save you from a bad mistake.
  • Tita,

    You know it was not really the "doctor." You know that this is a standard scam, and you know the guy is lying. But your romantic heart wishes it were true, so you let him make you feel obliged to help and then you make excuses when your money disappears and he asks you for still more.

    There is probably no way you can confirm his story-- first, beacuse it is almost certainly not true, and second, because these scam artists have developed extremely sophisticated systems for supporting their stories. He will probably be able to send you X-rays and hospital charts if you asked him. The only possibility might be if he is working for a company from outside Africa (which would almost always be the case for an American working in Africa), if you can confirm their business activities independently, then call them at a phone number you find yourself and ask to speak to the person who hired him.

  • sometimes I think all this is a scam but when I talk to him he says .. how come u have doubt on me? omg I cant believe u are doing this to me after my accident I cant be lying on an accident.. I understand u don't believe in the doctor but u are talking to me now?? I need to be out of hospital soon and pay what they charged me but a friend I called to will help me I don't want ur money anymore... so I feel bad... is it me doubting on him or am I right?? I wish I had someone there I know to go verify what I don't know....

  • Tita sorry to rain on your parade but it is 100% a scam . Stop all contact with this man immediately and do not send him another penny. He is NOT an American if he was in difficulties he could contact the US Embassy. 

    Cindy you are also being scammed and need to break off with this man. Your expectations are totally unreasonable.No one in the USA is going to help you to bring a penniless Nigerian in to the country. He doesn't love you, just because he is not in an internet cafe proves nothing. He will groom you for a while before he asks for money. He needs a visa to enter the US and on the basis of your so called "relationship" he would not be granted a visa.

    Both of you are being taken for a ride by professional scam artists known as the Nigerian 419 Scam (419 is the Nigerian law pertaining to scams) There is a ton of information regarding theses scams on line.

    Ladies wake up and smell the coffee you are both being scammed.

  • Cindy, from what you saying this guy might be for real. Presently I am in Nigeria now and the good thing is that I'm also a Nigerian. We Nigerians are peace loving people and we are also down to earth just that some few among us wants to rubbish the name of this country of which I believe that there is no Country that is Crime free not even in the State. Yes do ask for money cos of the situation on ground here. I have also dated a lady from the State for 6months online but we had a problem in which I couldn't trust her again.
  • I am a white working in Nigeria, LISTEN UP FAT DESPERATE WHITE FEMALES...ALL NIGERIAN MEN LOOKING FOR WHITE WIFE ARE BROKE OR WANT A GREEN CARD OR VISSA.. This can only work to your advantage if , the guy is not going to dump you after he get whaty he wants. As in mostly casses of nigerian men marrying , German, Holland , ladies because the govt and in-law protect the lady and her children. While nigerian men are bright , if the man can attend University (you may invet in your guy) but if he speak little englissh or is a criminal, you are out of luck. Nigerians are not racits, but have a stereo type of white women(that they smoke, drink , take drugs, are desperate for sex and have low self image..HMMMM I wonder what gave them that idea???? well if you are coming a a tourist , i suggest you friend a middle age working (married)and ask her where to visit. Ikeja , i a tourist trap, go for Victoria Island, or Lekke(look for middle priced hotels on net(do bargain if you sstay more than a week)exchange rate for 100dollars varies around 15 thoussand naira (or 15th 600naira)DONT CHANGE MONEY IN EKEJA (except you are in Protea or Sheraton Hotel. Clubs in VI are great and ssafe (dont go with strangers or enter their car) have a car hire from your hotel and call him when your ready or pay for waiting)agree on taxi price before entering(painted yellow or blue and white are cheapest and rough) If you like a guy ask for his card and let him meet you at your hotel.Nigerian men will think you are a sugar mommy if you dont inform them otherwise(you dont have to sell your body but at least ask for a bottle of baileys or a burger,geees louise dont be easyy pls.Abuja is safest place for whites(maitama, wuse 2 , Osokoro, Garki) Change money at only major hotels. (check Buy a gsm nokia for 4k four thousand naira Buy sim for mtn network and load a few thousand naira credit.charge your phone well a some places wont have outlet.If police or anyone challenges you , smile and be gentle. Dont say the F word or the S word or any other curse words in public(they already think we are crazy. and rich (they dont know whites work very hard for their money.) have fun
  • Ladies I cannot emphasise this more. BEWARE. I am South African and deal with lots of Nigerians men and women with my line of work. They will do anything for money. They do not think highly of white women and usually gets them adddicted to drugs and use them to make money by pimping them as prostitutes in the streets or making cheap porn movies. None of the ones I know makes an honest living. Their modus operandi in most cases is to get out of Nigeria and they use and lure unsuspecting white women to fall for their soppy stories. Please heed the warnings. Its for your own good! Take care everybody
  • Tita,


    it's an obvious SCAM!

    don't let him play with your emotion and conscience.

    that's their style. that's exactly how they operate.



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