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Am I right to be wary or have all the horror stories clouded my mind?

edited April 2014 in - Tunisia
I am married to a Tunisia man. We have been married for 16 months but i have not seen him for 11 months due to an accident and sickness.
He gets angry that I have not visited him and often asks me to send him money. I am on benefits due to disability and awaiting a decission
for p.i.p. If it is granted I will be able to get him a visa to join me in the u.k. He used to skype and call me all the time now i am lucky to get
a text and the odd call, he has not skyped me for 7 wks. He say's I am playing games by not visiting him and seems to want to cause problems.
When he does get in touch all he seems to talk about is getting a visa and barely asks about how i am.

I am starting to wonder if he married me because he loves me or if it was just for the visa. I am feeling rather confused at the moment and 
really not sure what to think.


  • How did you expect your husband to react when you have not been to see him for eleven months. He cannot go anywhere without a visa and he relied on you to visit him. 

    Believe it or not many European women marry Tunisian men or men from poor countries and then get cold feet stop visiting their husbands don't apply for visas and use excuses such as illness. I am certain this is what your husband believes. 

    I dont know what your husband does for a living but most Tunisians work in the summer and have no work in the winter , so its no wonder he is asking you for money.

    In the eyes of British law you do not have a subsisting marriage so applying for a visa could pose problems.

    You dont say what your illness is but its hard to imagine what could keep you away from your husband.
  • Sorry I obviously did not give enough information. I was due to fly out in july but had a fall. I had a double spiral fracture of the humorus. was unable to fly till december . I have a lung disease and ended up in hospital for a month just as I was getting ready to visit him in december.

    I can understand him getting frustrated as I feel the same. Then I had to wait for a home assesment for p.i.p
    as well as having physio still. He does work all year round so he does not have a problem during the winter.

    That is why i can not understand why he is asking for money when he knows i am struggling on assesment money of £71 a wk. He know how important the P.i.P is to obtain a visa. it just seems as if he is only worrying about himself.

  • edited April 2014
    When you went into this marriage you obviously did not have sufficient funds to meet the British spouse visa rules or I am assuming you would have applied for your husbands visa before you became ill.

    As I said in my previous post you DO NOT have a subsisting marriage and even if you are awarded PIP your husbands visa application will probably be refused.

    I understand you are ill but your husband is from a different culture you promised to marry him and for him to join you in the UK that has not happened even before you became ill. You do not seem to understand your husband is not British and that he does not understand our systems or that his expectations are in ruins. He has every right to ask when he is going to get his visa as you have made little effort to support his application even before your illness

    Your husband may work but his salary is lower per month than your benefits and people from poor countries believe we in the UK are well off.

    Long distance relationships are often difficult your has had to endure your illness and a very long separation.
    Having dealt with many marriage applications over the years I can totally understand your husbands frustrations.

    Its now April and you still have not been to see your husband and the onus is on you to do so. I hope your marriage survives.

  • I am flying to see him in 2 wks time. Before we married he asked me to live with him in Tunisia which I agreed as he said he was able to support me. I sold everything went to tunisia marrried  and was there for 3 months when he told me he was unable to support me so i had to come back to the u.k. find accomodation to rent and start a home all over again with no money only benefits as I had paid for the wedding, rent for the year etc.

    He was aware of the process of benifits and how long these things take. i just feel so frustrated of his lack of empathy as all the stress is on me.
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