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Any Muslim American women travel abroad for marriage

My story...
I am African American living in US. I converted to Islam a couple years ago and I want to marry a Muslim. I asked around to some Muslim locals on how to get married but no one offered much help. I wanted to follow Islamic ways and i so I looked to online matrimonial sites for Muslims (terrible experience) I did become interested in a Pakistani Muslim man and we have talked and video chat for 2 years! (nothing intimate at all)
1. I ask about polygamy and multiple wives - he said never, he could only handle one wife
2. I ask could he come to US to visit me- he said he is waiting on family visa to come to US (his brother is in us military,and married to American Muslim) but it can take years. So he invited me to come to Pakistan.
3. We have same goals of having a family, children, working on our career goals together.
4. He wants to move to US, I want to live abroad, but staying in US is fine too. We decided to travel more for me.
5. We are both 26, he has never had girlfriend due to pakistan culture... but
6. I have 7 year old child. He has no problem and excited about joining families
7. His family, according to him is very excited to meet me and he has told them when I come we will marry, they don't speak English.

So now I have passport and visa to visit Pakistan. He asked could we get married while I am there. I agreed but i keep thinking it is too crazy to marry someone this way. Could he just be using me to get to US faster? We have never met before, have I made a mistake agreeing to marry before I met him face to face? Also, I feel like I'm doing a lot of work for our relationship... I'm flying there ($200 for passport, $200 for visa, $1600 for flight, 2 weeks away from daughter and out of work) , marrying away from my family, eventually I'll need time and money for marriage visa, then I have to help him get on feet here... any advice?


  • Assalamualaykum @Alethia I've read a bunch of your posts and would like to hear your ensight on my situation
  • I think if you are honest with yourself you already know the answer.... What you're suggesting is crazy. Do you really need to be told this? You already touched on many of the more obvious reasons in your post.

    Honestly, step back... take a deep breath... and look at the situation with as much objectivity and common sense as you can. You already know the answer.

    Good luck and all the best to you.

  • edited July 2017
    You asked for my insight and here it is.
    Pakistani muslims have their own brand of Islam that is far removed from mainstream Islam.
    No way will his family accept an African American woman who is a single parent except for the fact you can offer the precious green card.Pakistanis have traditional arranged marriages often to cousins.Marriages are arranged in days as they do not marry for love that is expected to come after the wedding.
    It is almost impossible for a single Pakistani male to obtain a visa for anywhere except by marriage.
    You will pay for everything this visit visa is just the start if you marry this man.
    I have advised and assisted hundreds of British Pakistani muslims to marry Pakistani muslims usually they are related. These marriages often breakdown because of the extreme difference in attitude and culture.

    I do not understand why you did not contact your local mosque who usually have a marriage bureau on site and there you would meet someone in person.

    Frankly I am totally against your visit to Pakistan and a relatonship with this man. You are not visiting someone in the US boondocks but a poor country that lacks hygiene and is a culture light years from the US.

    @CheersTerry is as usual spot on and I agree with him 100%
  • @americanmuslima2016
    I have discussed your situation with a female Pakistani friend.
    She stated categorically that there is no way a traditional Pakistani family would be pleased for their son to marry an African American single parent. The marriage would be purely for the pupose of obtaining a US green card.

    That is the reason for the rush to marry and the pressure will then increase for you to apply for his US visa.
    Do not delude yourself that this is anything other than a way for this man to enter the US
  • edited July 2017
    Thank you for responding. @Alethia There is a couple factors I wanted to let you know related to some of the things you mentioned. I thought the exact things you and your friend said at the beginning. But in the last two years..
    I have met his brother who is married to an African American woman.
    I have video with his mother and sister but he translated in Urdu for us. She says she just wants what will make him happy.
    His brother applied for all of family to go to USA already and his mother and sisters had priority I guess so I've been told they will fly here august.
    He says he wants to marry me now but if he has to wait he will. That's why it's been two years.

    So I expressed my concerns to him after I made this post... about the expenses and he wants to pay for my travel expenses and anything while I'm in Pakistan and he has the money set aside for all the visa expenses.

    Oh and I wanted to add that the local masjid has no marriage bureau. The local Muslim I did meet tried to convenience me into marrying him alone in a park
  • Oh yea the difference in attitude and culture ... I already see that... we have worked through things as we go but it will be more after marriage... I hope to hear from some people who have experienced it
  • @americanmuslima2016
    I doubt if you will find what your looking for on here as it is a travel forum.
    Strange how you suddenly changed your story
    You have only met this man on the internet not in real life. Good luck you will need it
  • edited July 2017
    I think you're completely deluded and I see absolutely nothing good coming from this, but perhaps you've managed to find the 1/1,000,000 situation where this man and his family are somehow magically different from ALL others.

    Good luck.

  • @Alethia

    I post because of your insightful comments about these things. Story continues each day, nothing set in stone. I didn't think I should ask for help from him because I never did this before. Actually your response promoted me to want to just say how I feel and if things stayed the same... especially about finances then I'd call it quits...
    but sorry if I bothered you, anyways thanks Assalamualaykum
  • @CheersTerry

    Well 2/1,000,000 because his brother had success as well. If it was magic envolved or I trusted my "delusional" mind completely ... then I wouldn't be looking for opinions from anyone. I'm just asking questions with facts... I don't want to break anyone's heart. Thanks!
  • You sound like a nice lady. Good luck.

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