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I met a Tunisian man online and I need advice from the ladies and men who live there, please!

edited October 4 in - Tunisia
Okay, my name is April. I live in Alabama, in the Unites States. I joined an international dating site one day. It was just a random thing that I did. I was curious to know what other men are out there in our world. I'm an attractive blonde female with blue eyes. I have NO PROBLEM meeting men here where I live. I guess I am just looking for something different. I met this man on this site who is very attractive as well. He lives in Tunis, Tunisia. We talk every day and on face time for 3-5 hours daily. He never asked me to come here and marry. Maybe he could have been more of a talker just saying things to see what I would say at first but i think when i told him that I did research and i hear stories of men getting visa and then leaving wives after getting citizenship etc. He knows that I don't want to marry him when I visit. I told him he could try and get a visa himself another way besides marriage or fiance. If we work out that will be great but if we don't then it will be sad. I told him either way we will both be fine. He is about to have his master's in Engineering. He sounds trustworthy but i've read so much online that i'm sooo confused. I really want to meet him but I just need to hear from people who actually live there and are around these men daily. He never ask me for money and I think he understands that i will never be that kind of woman to do that. Oh yeah, he does go to coffee a lot.. what's the big deal with coffee there? I am also a Christian who will never convert. I have been very honest with him about everything.. how i feel, my life, etc. Just need some opinions form Tunis or just any Tunisian ladies. :-)

Comments

  • edited October 3
    The chances of this being a "real" relationship are of course miniscule, but happy accidents do (rarely) happen.

    So long as you maintain your common sense (which, thank God, you're doing... unlike so many others) then you have nothing to lose. Whether he can arrange a Tourist Visa to come visit you (very doubtful) or whether you go visit him (very easy) simply stay on the path you are now and don't turn into one of the sad idiots who so often get taken for a ride by a sweet talking, exotic, handsome foreign lad.

    I'll wager you haven't done much international travel so a visit to Tunisia (and a few interesting places coming and going) could be a great adventure. Continue to protect yourself as you've been doing thus far and who knows what will happen. Never waiver from your common sense and street smarts though.

    Happy travels and good luck.

    Cheers,
    Terry
  • @aprilleshea36
    If you have no problem meeting men in the USA, I suggest thats what you do and stay away from men from poor countries.

    The opportunities for single men from Tunisia to be granted a visa are limited. If their family is wealthy and they can afford to study abroad, they maybe granted a visa. A tourist visa is next to impossible.
    So the onus in any relationship for travel and finances falls to the woman from the USA, UK, Europe etc. For example she is the one who must pay to travel to Tunisia as it is difficult for Tunisians to travel abroad.

    Relationships in Arab countries move much faster than in the USA or Europe. The limited knowledge and awareness of what is 'normal' in Tunisia has left non-Tunisian women very open to manipulation and exploitation.

    In Tunisian society Tunisian men do not marry older women or divorced women with children. Tunisian men want their own children. Yet they do these things with foreign women.
    Of course there are good and bad in every society but unfortunately many Tunisian men and their family are known to indulge in 'bezness' originates from the English word "business", and generally refers to profit-oriented activities of locals including, love fraud, marriage fraud, immigration fraud and financial fraud. Due to social media this has now spread to the internet.

    As for converting to Islam this is not a requirement Muslim men can marry Christian and Jewish women. Known as "women of the book" and they cannot be forced in anyway to convert to Islam.

    @Lesley another expert who has lived in Tunisia for many years should be along to give you more information.

    Tunisia is an interesting country and worth a visit. See our travel guide http://www.wordtravels.com/Travelguide/Countries/Tunisia

  • edited October 3
    Thanks sooo much for responding! I really appreciate yall's responses! @Alethia @CheersTerry

    I should stick to what I know and keep meeting the men here in America, I agree. I am single and I have NO children. But, I guess maybe I need a vacation too! :-) But, honestly I really want to meet this man. We talk all the time and I believe that if anything... we will have a fun time together! When I visit Tunisia he will take me to see places (Capital, beach, a few bars) and we are planning to go on a camel ride! Which i'm really excited about!! I will be paying my flight there but I will not be paying for anything when I arrive. That part will ALL be at his expense... not mine. I'm aware it will be hard for him to come to the US. But, I will not make myself easy. If he can't find a way then I guess it's over for us. If he is only planning for 2 amazing weeks with me then, so be it. I will accept it and move on. I will enjoy our trip and still come home a single woman when my trip is finished. He also knows all this and how I feel... maybe he thinks he may still have a chance... I don't know. But, I still think that either way he wants to meet. I just needed to hear other people's opinions.
  • @aprilleshea36
    I was a little concerned when you said "but I will not be paying for anything when I arrive" Which mens the guy is sorting the accomodation. So where will you be staying?
  • That's my worry too. In situations like this it is always best to be 100% separate and independent - especially for accommodation.

    Reserve a room in a decent hotel close to where he lives so you always have a safe personal space nearby.

    Cheers,
    Terry
  • @Alethia At first with his family. They all live in a big house or something but I was like ummmmm no. So he will get hotel. I will have my own money on me just in case I want to leave early.
  • @aprilleshea36
    Do not stay with his family for many different reasons. Different culture, different food, no privacy, security and by staying with his family you are openly stating you are his woman.
    Visit by all means, but stay in a hotel and as Terry said a decent hotel
  • edited October 4
    All those reasons is why I will not stay with his family. Here where I live it is disrespectful to stay with someones family unless in the relationship you are married. A lot of families allow people to stay with them where I live thought but not my family lol. Plus, I don't know his family so i would feel uncomfortable. So I will rather stay in a decent hotel instead. He said we will be with his family a few days visiting because he wants me to meet everyone. Thank you for the response! Ya'll have really helped me! :-) @Alethia @CheersTerry
  • Also.. What is the big deal with going to get Coffee there? He goes a good bit.
  • @aprilleshea36 . Hi. I am the Tunisian expert on this site. I have lived here a lon, long time. Here is my opinion, no beating around cos I know how this works. You are being groomed for sex, visa, money and not necessarily in that order. I don't care what he has told you, he is lying, which by the way is the way of life here. Tunisians dont even believe each other!

    Please listen to @Alethia and @CheersTerry as along with me they have seen it all before. You want a holiday, then go somewhere you can speak the language, read a menu in a cafe and call the police if you need help. Here you will be isolated and given that your internet friend is a student he will be in control!

    If you want more info on 'bezness' boys, then I am happy to assist.
  • What does groomed for sex mean? @Lesley also, him being in control because he is a student? Please explain all this.
  • @aprilleshea36
    Going for coffee in Tunisia is the same as men in Europe or the USA going to a bar or a pub.
    No alcohol is involved they really do drink coffee or tea but these cafes are gender segregated. Men only.
    The cafes are overwhelmingly a men's scene and they are very cheap. Men of all ages and backgrounds can be found playing cards, talking, watching sports or news, and smoking cigarettes.

    As he is a student he will probably frequent a cafe used mainly used by male students.
    Unemployment is high in Tunisia so theses cafes are places where men congregate and
    spend their time as there is no work.

    As for being groomed for sex, do you really think your Tunisian will not want sexual favours in return for paying for your accomodation? It is illegal for a Tunisian male to stay in a hotel with a woman he is not married to. No way will a good hotel allow him to stay with you. So he will find a small hotel/pension where he can sneak in to be with you.

    You speak neither French or Arabic your boyfriend is educated so he will be in charge of any situation. Tunisian men are glib and can charm the birds from the trees. Your not going to Atlantic CIty on holiday you would be going to a country, with completly different cultural norms and behaviour.
  • I understand we will be sexual active together. But if it will be in a cheap hotel room then I'd rather stay home.
  • @aprilleshea36
    What town/place is your friend from and where will you be staying?
  • He lives in Tunis, Tunisia. He is 29 years old and so am I.
    And as for the name of the hotel...I have no idea. He says he will book it before my trip. I still have 2 months before I leave to go. @Alethia
  • @aprilleshea36
    Why are you going to Tunisia in the winter? It can get quite cold especially at night.
    I dont find Tunis the most interesting or attractive of capital cities.
    Sidi Bou Said is well worth a visit the Bardo museum and ancient Carthage. If you like that sort of thing.
    I suggest you find your own hotel and not leave it up to your friend.
  • edited October 5
    We were supposed to go ride camel in desert. The soonest I'd be able to go would be December because of my work. I work at a University Medical College and won't have enough vacation time till December. The cold is not what will bother me. Looks like I called it off with him today after I spoke with y'all. So I guess no camel ride or trip to see him and no more talking every day. I'm sad but I know I'll be fine. @Alethia
  • He told me we could go wherever I wanted to go and he would send me places since I don't know where things are. Forget that now.
  • @aprilleshea36 . I am really glad. I dont want for you to become another stat. But hmmmm he is still a student at 29? Not normal here. Also the young men here discuss tactics in the coffee, compare notes, what worked, what did not.

    here sex outside of marriage is illegal and while some will turn a blind eye to foreigners, you only need one to report. Nothing would happen to the foreigner but the tunisian would go direct to jail.

    good luck to you
  • @aprilleshea36
    I too am pleased you decided to end things.
    A camel ride in the desert is not that romantic believe me.
    All the best to you.
  • He is working on his Masters degree. He graduates this year. And the camel ride was my idea. I thought the ride there would be a good time for us and something to do together that we had never done.
  • And i've seen his Engineer work. He works for an American company. A very good one.
  • I am in a similar situation... however I am a well-travelled person, I understand a lot about varying cultures. I am also considering a visit.. But I am interested in seeing the country.
    Are there any tell-tale signs that it's a scam?
  • edited October 9
    @girasole
    There is no hard and fast rules about scams. In Tunisia "bezness" is well known, bezness men have 3 target groups,

    1.Single, young and well situated women
    2.Widowed/divorced older women
    3. Women who are single parents

    Tunisian bezness men can charm the birds from the trees and are very glib.

    Tunisia is a poor country with very high unemployment. The western woman is expected to pay because she is from a wealthy country even though this goes against Tunisian culture . Sex, money and visas are the end goal.

    These woman having met their Tunisian suffer from "my guy is different" syndrome.

    Having a relationship with a much older woman,is socially unacceptable in Tunisia.
    Yet many Tunisian men will pursue an older western woman for the price of a visa to a western country or for gifts and other advantages. They are prepared to wait for years to obtain their goal.

    Many western women defend themselves by saying "I look young for my age" - but this is a self-illusion, because in reality, it has no relevance whatsoever. A visa is much better looking.

    A Tunisian man only rarely accepts children of his wife with another man, because that affects his status in his society. And if he does, then only if such acceptance yields something "worthy" - for example, the prospect of a "visa to the west".

    Tunisan "bezness men" will tell Western women "that it does not matter if you cant have children" Not true they want their own children

    For what it is worth Tunisia has the highest divorce rate in the Arab world over 50% of Tunisian marriages fail and over 80% of Tunisia/Western marriages




  • @aprilleshea36 - I'm interested to know which company he is working for? There are not too many US companies here
  • @girasole - @Alethia has summed it up well. I would encourage you to come and visit our country. It has some remarkable sites, boundless history and beauty. Don't get drawn into the charm of a Tunisian boy. This is very complicated and to be totally honest, so many get caught up in the 'talk'. They are very believable for western women. If you need any assistance in where to go or what to see then please let me know. Would be very happy to help.
  • I told him that I'm not rich. He told me to just cover my airfare and he will cover everything else when I arrive. He understands that I'm not able to support him in getting a visa etc. Soo.. I don't know... he is very good to talk to. We talk about everything. He's not a sweet talker but he can hold a conversation and we can talk about anything and understand each other. He's very smart and will help me with my Math that I'm studying for. I had called everything off with him and told him that it's pointless. He called me via face time to talk about everything. He told me that he can understand how I feel but either way he still wants me to come and he wants to meet me. It's crazy how I do trust him and I do feel like he is genuine. But who knows. I guess my trip is back on! I want to meet him too. Even if it's just a good time then that's okay. And as for the company... I don't know if I should release that name because of privacy reasons. I can message it to you though. And it's a legit Company. I've seen proof of his work on his computer with the Company. We have MANY here in America and there is actually another headquarters like his 1 hour from my house. :-)
  • @aprilleshea36
    Of course you have many companies in America because it is a highly developed, capitalist industrial country.
    Tunisia is a very small developing country with high unemployment. By the way most graduates do not study for a Masters in Tunisia as this qualification is not recognised or equivalent to US, UK or European degrees. Most graduates study for their Masters in another country so that their qualification will be recognised outside Tunisia.
    As @Leslie said there are very few US companies in Tunisia. Due to terrorism Tunisia is not seen as a country to invest in.
    Your an adult have a nice holiday
  • His sister lives in Italy. So Maybe he can use his degree somewhere else because I don't think it will be good here. I told him that I don't think it will be good in America but who knows. I don't know. I know America has many companies... but the one he works for is a really good/big one and is Worldwide. But anyhow... I really appreciate yall's advice. :-)
  • edited October 9
    @aprilleshea36
    I repeat a Tunisian degree bachelors or masters are NOT recognised in the US or Europe.
    He is lucky to have a job due to high unemployment in Tunisia but even if it is an American company he will be paid local rates and not a US salary.
  • @Alethia Does the "bezness" fraud only applies to men or is it with Tunisan women as well?
  • edited October 10
    @Azhar
    Bezness has normally been carried out by Tunisian men as they had the freedom to meet women, especially female tourists. These men are often in a "relationship" with more than one foreign woman who give them money and expensive gifts, eg iphones trainers etc

    Tunisian women do not have the same freedom as a man and and they face cultural and traditional obstacles with their families.

    In September 2017 Tunisia ruled that Tunisian women can now marry non Muslim men putting them in law equal to men who can marry non Muslim women.

    However, we have seen on this forum how difficult it is for Tunisian women to marry Muslim men from another country, often they have met on line.
    Although Tunisian women can now choose their own spouse they would still go up against the culture and traditions from within their family.
  • They guy I met told me once that there are woman who meet foreign tourist "old men" and some women sleep with the wealthy men who live there. Honestly, that's kind of how it is everywhere. I know that some Americian girls do that.
  • edited October 10
    @aprilleshea36
    But that is not "bezness".
    These women are not lying that they are in love and want to marry these men and promise the earth. Its prostitution and it happens everywhere
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