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Nigerian immigrating to the US

edited October 2010 in - West Africa
Hello...I am planning a trip to nigeria very soon...have been talking to a man there for nearly 2 years now...we talk on the phone most everyday...either he calls me or I call him...but we stay in constant touch...and have become very close....we have been talking about marriage...if I should marry him while I am in long would it take to get him access to come to the states to join me....and we may decide to hold off for sometime...we will just have to wait and see....if by chance we do...i would be returning to nigeria to make the trip back with him....I have heard so many "horror" stories of nigerians trying to leave there country...especially if they are coming to the us....any advice....anything I should be aware of...any input would be greatly appreciated....thanks


  • edited 5:15PM
    i've read countless stories on forums of white woman falling for nigerian men and they are horror stories 90% of the time. The worst stories are where the Nigerian still lives in Nigeria and has never travelled outside of Nigeria. There is a british documentary that depicts how lagosians live. it is called 'welcome to Lagos' a three part documentary, download it if you can. as a westerner when you see the way in which nigerians are forced to live you will understand that they would want to leave at any cost to give themselves and their families a better life. there is nothing wrong with that sentiment, what becomes immoral about that sentiment is the manner in which most are forced to conduct themselves in order to gain a better life and that is to scam people. they will scam anyone but the psychology of people dictates that to scam a white woman by being the ultimate christian charmer and romancer will work more than trying to scam a white man into parting with his money to help their cause. There is a 'left over' or 'fallout' from the african male having had his 'warrior esteem' stolen from him by the white missionaries. it is one thing to bring God to people but it is quite another to steal his esteem in order to prove God to him. Africans lie because they have been lied to by white missionaries for quite a few generations. Lying is how they protect and save themselves just as a child lies to his mother that the cat knocked over her favourite vase and smashed it to the ground and not he while he was boisterously playing in the lounge room when he knew he shouldn't be as mother had told him so many times to play outside. What endears the white woman to these african men is that we can 'sense' this brokenness that underlies their emotional selves even when they are lying direct to the woman's face. It is this beguiling brokenness that ropes the white woman in and causes her to feel as if she is somehow 'saving' him from the terrors of the world. that is why it continues to be so easy for these African men to scam white woman despite all the warnings on forums on the internet. the white woman's maternal instinct is very very strong because it is indoctrinated into us from a very young age. Having said all that there is only one way to know how real anything is and that is to meet face to face and spend time together and to watch his actions and his tone of voice and his eye movement. You, as a human being, should know how you would want to be treated, if he or any other man treats you any less then he is not the man for you Nigerian or Eskimo no matter his race, country or religion. To meet face to face: for the Nigerian it will ne next to impossible for him to be approved a visa to your country, that leaves the burden on you to meet him in his country. Mosst Nigerian embassies, when you apply for a visa to visit their country will ring you and advise you of the dangers that face a white woman travelling alone in Africa and more so travelling to meet a man. African culture and their mind set is shockingly different to western despite the common denominator of christianity. Be prepared to be a fish out of water, but to be swept up and treated with reverence and like royalty whilst you are the white (seemingly) rich visitor. But to find the real truth behind the man you would have to live with him in his territory for quite some time after the excitement of you being the rich white visitor has passed. The only other way is to get him to the USA spend a lot of time with him and make sure he has no means of contact with his territory and that will also bring the truth of the man out. Either way, no amount of preparation, schooling or reading or listening to advice could prepare you for the trauma you will pass through if he turns out to be a man who will SUBMIT to anything even obedience to your every word yet is still only after that better life that he can take back to Nigeria with him. Nigerians are taught to be extremely patient and this process could take years. Their patience endures for such a long time, to us westerners who are used to decisions and life being acted upon instantaneously would view this patience as being benign, harmless and takes on the appearance of their being almost lazy about getting things done. Their patience is such that in the end it is you that does all the doing and gets them what they need when they need it. The other thing to know is that Africans are quite secretive about themselves to outsiders and the men have an unspoken code of brotherhood that no white woman could ever begin to understand. This code calls for all brothers to keep each other's secrets and support each other's stories when faced by the white community. When faced amongst themselves it is survival of the fittest but when facing the western white world it is unity at its best. Further, irrespecitve of christianity or legalities african men will have multiple wives and relationships and children (sometimes all in different countries) and it is tolerated (for the most part) by their african women. Whether this is right or wrong in the eyes of the westerner is not for us to judge. If it is not something you want to be part of then keep away from the possibility of being exposed to it. The internet and air travel and increased personal wealth (however small) of the westerner has opened us up to exposures that we might ordinarily not be exposed to. The danger here is that air travel and internet and wealth has spread at an alarming speed compared to the very slow slow pain staking education and anthropological awareness of cultural differences and mindsets. Therefore in reality we are not equipped to tolerate from an African man what an African woman is equipped and schooled to tolerate her whole life. To expect an African man to immediately change his mindset simply because he wants to venture into the western world to gain or earn a piece of that wealth is a simplistic approach to the whole psychology of the statement we make that is "well if he wants to be in the USA he needs to behave like us and accept our mindset otherwise he should just go home". If only the human condition were that simple. Take care and be aware of your own personal intentions and take a reality check about why or why not you are making a decision. Just as you would take your time to choose the right dress for your wedding day and to make sure you will look and feel stunningly beautiful so you should take your time to choose the man for whom to wear that dress and make sure he makes you feel stunningly beautiful. If you are on the internet asking questions about whether you should or should not go, then you have a doubt that you should be going at all. Therefore deep inside yourself you are not convinced you are doing the right thing despite whether you feel you are or are not falling in love with the guy. Most of the people on the forums who have YET to experience the trauma of finding a toad where they thought was a prince usually are asking for guidance because deep down they know they should be bowing out and moving in a different direction to find love. Despite what most people believe we (westerners) are schooled to seek challenges in life because that is supposedly what motivates and propels us forward to constantly achieve and succeed. Seeking love in Africa is an exciting challenge and anyone who has seen the movie "the White Masai" (a true story of a dutch woman who falls in love with a kenyan from the masai tribe whilst on holiday in kenya) will know the reality of such excitement and the reality of "following ones heart" can ultimately end up in heartache, trauma and a huge loss of self esteem and self worth.

    On another note, USA views Nigeria as a high risk country, therefore any application for a visa (especially marriage) will be viewed with suspicion and will be closely reviewed as to the realness of such a union. Your government will want concrete irrefutable proof and evidence that your marriage is genuine and continuing and won't end once the Nigerian has a greencard. Do a search on the net and you will find thousands of pages of what is entailed to provide that evidence and how difficult and emotionally and financially draining this process is. If you marry in Nigeria the process of ensuring the marriage registration is real and can be supported by properly stamped government papers can be a challenge in itself. Furthermore USA has different requirements as to what papers they will accept as a valid marriage depending on the country where you got married. Nothing is impossible but you yourself need to know how much emotional upheaval, waiting and jealousy (once you are married you will view your relationship with him in a very different way) and other emotions that will undoubtedly arise in a long distance marriage and because the process could take a very long time.

    No one can know whether, at the end of the day, the process will be worthwhile or not. The Nigerian may be the one to pull out of the whole deal because even he will have his endurance breaking point. Or he may be content to have a long distance marriage because as his wife he may be able to demand that you support him financially.

    Or, he may be the prince you have been waiting for all your life and I pray that this is the outcome for both of you.
  • edited 5:15PM
    @camembear, what a rant? u re talking from what u see in white supremacy site?
    Nigerian are taught to b patient? who is this person teaching them? most African know nothing about slavery

    u mentioned BBC welcome to lagos" are u crazy or what?
    ofcourse there re poor people in the country, same as there re in ur country, which for what ever reason i believe to b UK. do u realise that there are more number of rich nigerians than there re rich british.
    in your british universities, the post graduate courses are 70% filled by Nigerian( In my course they re 90%- Msc oil and gas Robert Gordon University, we had only 3 brit- 1scot, 2 english)

    each of those Nigerian paid £14500 for tuition Ave, £6500 for accommodation and an extra £3500 Ave for feeding. they all pay the tuition in full b4 a visa is issued.these re no bank loan neither re the credit, ALL CASH!
    last year there were over 170,000 Nigerian in postgraduate studies alone in Britain, let alone America, Canada, Australia.
    Nigerians are rich, very rich but the country is a shame, no thanks to bribery and corruption.

    back to u girl...

    No doubt most Nigerians living in Nigeria marrying a westerner be it white or black, chinese or russian 90% of the time happens to b Fraud.
    has there been genuine ones? absolutely YES! though its rare.

    most Nigerian families wud frown upon their child marrying a westerner esp a white, nt becos of her colour bt the culture and their attitude.
    1. a white woman wud call her mother-in-law by her first name. african women find that very insulting, they prefer being called mummy.

    2. a white woman who smokes, wud smoke b4 the parents-in-law. a person who smokes is regarded as a thug/gangster in most African country. i smoke, but wud never in front of my parents.

    girl, if ur man is an older man sorry its even more difficult, chances are he is already married or seriously in with some girl. And older men are nt as open minded as the younger ones( <30). the younger ones wud easily disobey their parent's wishes and marry who they like.

    if ur man is muslim, mehn, i dont know, but muslims are allowed to marry more than one wife and re more rigid.
    if he is a christain, then.. there is a chance.

    Good Nigerian men are way more lovely than anybody u can meet in ur white world. FACT! (no racism).
    1. most tribes frown seriously at divorce. so ur marriage is for life_ how comforting is that) is a pride to make ur wife happy. funny. ( it is very common to see a man slave his life just to buy expensive jewerries for the wife, while he cant evn afford a change of cloth).

    3. they wudnt complain much abt ur weight- if u on d big side. big girls re seen as more homely.


    if he is working- a professional job , then good. if he is not .... i dont know, cant say.

    u cud go visit him but dont marry him yet. make sure u see his parents. talk to them abt family, and marriage and see there reaction. be very candid- express ALL UR DOUBTS to them and have them answer to them.

    don't give out ur money - anything big. let him see u as nt rich, tho most African errorneosly see all whites to be rich.

    when it get to marriage stage MAKE SURE U GET MARRIED IN A CHURCH, CATHOLIC CHURCH! - he wud be tied.

    have kids as quickly as possible with him after marriage- that wud even tied him more if he was thinking abt leaving u.

    good luck!
  • edited 5:15PM
    Fact: Nigerians are one of the richest people in the world. UK is poor compared to Nigeria. We buy all our houses, cars and education with CASH and not loans like you do in the UK. The documentry 'welcome to lagos' represents 0.000001% of the population in Nigeria.

    Fact: That Nigerian man that wants to marry you after being in an internet relationship is just after your greencard. Go on holidays, take everything with a pinch of salt and try to forget him. It won't work.

  • edited 5:15PM
    wow VIc.. love your comment "fact: nigerians are one of the richest ppl in the world...." Then why do they have petrol generators to power their houses, why do my friends talk about no money, no job no food...Why do they seem to struggle to get an education. Love should not be restrictive by governance of laws..and strict visa requirements... love should be able to blossom... one love one life...
  • edited 5:15PM
    @macjive u a true nigerian i comment you on all u said im white south african not rich jus a working class gal bt met a nigerian guy(igbo) on the internet my first visit was in 2008 we fell inlove i got married in court 2 weeks after meeting in person every year i went to visit him since then, he was still a student and we agreed he finish his degree then join me which he is now finish, i loved your country your people and your cultures i met his parents siblings nad other family but what i dislike of your country is im going to struggle getting visa now im wondering if it would be better if i go to nigeria and apply in person im in south africa now
  • edited 5:15PM
    Nigerians are just fraudsters who try to scam people of everything they ever own
  • edited 5:15PM
    Hi Every one

    Please do not get involved with any one from nigeria and do not go to Nigeria
    It is the biggest black hole / hell on earth
    Do not send any money to any one there
    Do believe that all officals there are Scammers and I can not stress enought this is the police army banks courts and any other offical place
    And Pleaes Please do not marry anyone from there

  • edited 5:15PM
    All these comments are just making me laugh. Im american born and kne nothing about Nigeria until three years ago. Im now a nigerian wife and soon to be mother with the greatest husband in this world. Yes he's got it all. I was one of those people who fell in love with someone on the other side of the world, traveled to meet the person, and left everything in Gods hands. I put my trust in God. I didn't care about horror stories or the odds that he could be a user. God let me know that he was my husband. Look at how many marriages end in divorce between two citizens. Its all about taking time to know the person.

    The more desperate u r to rush into marriage, the higher your chances are of missing the warning signs if there are any.

    I wish everyone the best.
  • edited 5:15PM
    @Igbowifeusa. I'm impressed, live is indeed all about how far you can go to possess what you want. If you don't mind I'd like know more how you and your husband who happends to be my tribe faced the storm. I'm presently developing some feelings for an AA in Florida, but I've been avoiding it generating to a full blown love affair even though she has aleady made her feelings known to me.......The distance discourages and couple with the fact I intend to live with my family here in Lagos Nigeria. If you can, add me on facebook via okechukwumaxwelnwosu @yahoo .com, I got some questions I'd like to ask you. Cheers!

    @Topic. Not all nigerians are bad, it only shows are not exposed some are to generalize on a whole country constituting over 160 million population, 500 languages and ethnic group with different cultural believe., but amidst all individuality counts the most!
  • edited 5:15PM
    lgbowwifeusa..I am too impressed with your story. Please feel to contact me at [email protected] I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you
  • edited 5:15PM
    Hello everyone. I need advice. I met a guy from Lagos nigeria through the intrernet in2005. We dated for a year. Then I broke up with him because I told him I couldn't deal with the long distance relationship thing any longer. 2 years later I had my son. I became a single mother later because my son's father is trying to use me for his papers. I was tired of being used by men I began to know my worth. Today iam now a 26 year old. Finished with my masters degree. The guy in nigeria called me in septembet ate 4 years of not keeping in touch. When he found out that I had a baby years ago he was upset. But he still called me once a while to check up on me because my sons father left me. This september he called me back we got back together the same day he said he still loves me. A week later he started trying to use reverse psychology on me by asking me to send him money cause he had no job. He took some courses in unilag but he didn't complete it because he did he did not have any money. In October 2012 he got s job in abuja in a private company. He asked me to marry him. He asked for me to buy the plane ticket and do wedding registry over there and bring him here. Iam now a born again Christian and I believe in praying before I do anything in life. I consulted a man of God and I also prayed and the man of God warned me that to stay away from the guy completely because he is desperate to come here and therefore the marraige will not last. After he gets to America and gets what he wants he will change. I don't want to be played by a man. I dont believe in divorce as well. My heart is also telling me that he is dezperate. His mother is also desperate for her son to come here as well because when I told her that I could not marry her son anymore she began to beg me that the man of God in her church told her I was the one. I feel like it's more like Iam the one to bring their family out of nigeria. I don't want to be a fool for a man. Please any advice.
  • edited 5:15PM
    whaooo one thing i must say is that never judge anyone with is face,appearance or colour if u say that nigeria is wicked scam or whatever i agreed to dat but one thing that i will never accept is if u say nigerians are wicked omg that is a big total arab nonsense u should alway take note of that point cuz their are lot of innocent nigerians back to d lady who want to get married to d nigerian guy go to his country meet is ppl spent some month with then to clear your dought never be discourage by d way white ppl discribe nigerian not all bird are made of same feather generally all d countries are wicked even uk,usa and other d reason why uk and usa secret are not reveal is dat day use money to clean up their mess nigerians are not wicked it is d suitiation of their country dat make den think like a clever guy so if your madly in love come and get wat is your and pls dont put too much of your attention in wat ppl say cuz u might regret letter i am a 20yr old guy who is alao in love with a girl in australia dont judge me by my age but look at d message am trying to pass.And pls take note of these never give d man what he prefer most which is sex cuz dat is one major key to get a real man weather he his blank or white hav face love different time nw is time for me to also share my experience go for d man that is disturbing ur head and i wish God will show u d way dont get it whristed love is a beautiful thing
  • edited 5:15PM
    I am a woman living in the United State met a young man though a mutual friend here in the states. He is Nigerian just became a Doctor and I am deeply feeling him. He is no scam artist. He hopes to do a residency here in the US . We also want to Marry but I wonder if his profession will help or hinder us. Is it better for him to get into a residency program not married first then marry once accepted or follow our hearts and marry each other. I am going over to meet his family this summer. I am African American I am well versed in Naija's culture as I have many Nigerian friends here . I am learning Igbo and know some Yourba . He is a very sweet man and I know he will make a great husband . I am also a third generation American in my family as they are Bahamian which we have a lot a traits that are African. I am also going to Ghana on business so the trip is business and pleasure and possible marriage or engagement.
  • edited 5:15PM
    I'm married to a Nigerian now, and I advise women to be very careful when considering a Nigerian man. My husband proposed after 1 month of dating (which should have been a reg flag!) and I accepted. I later found out his visa was about to expire. I have met his Mother, but she was very confused when I told her we were married. It has been one year of marriage, and we are now considering filing for a green card in the U.S. My husband beats me black and blue for expressing my own opinions about the household, like budgeting, taxes, car maintenance, etc. I'm sure there are decent Nigerian men out there, but they are few and far between. Western white and African American women, I pray you do not find yourself in my situation and urge you to seriously verify a Nigerian man before marrying him. Nigerian men have terrifying tempers, and even though their friends can see your bruises, will support the husband or say nothing at all. It will become impossible to leave a marriage (even the house!) and your life will be in serious danger.
  • edited 5:15PM
    I read everyone's comments. I can't stress enough to be wise and aware of the scammers in Ghana and Nigeria. One some are rich in Nigeria they are mainly the politicians. The politicians send their children to Western schools. In some parts of Nigeria they don't believe in the Western world yet they get on the computer and scam Westerners of millions of dollars. If you wouldn't give your next door neighbour your life savings then why would you give a complete stranger that you have never met eye to eye your money?? They have been taught from a very early age how to scam they watch and learn how to tap into emotions and they have no hesitation in stating their undying love for you and how they lie to get your attention. Once they have your attention and you believe they love you then your in for a hell of a life. You will only lose your trust in people and they don't care. They call themselves Christians or whatever and tell you that God put you together, thats rubbish. Destiny is another word they use very often. Nigeria is a dangerous place for white people, Ghana they have westerners there mainly volunteering to help the communities, yet the young men steal identities and portray themselves as worth. Unemployment is rife, they are a 3rd world country and do not have the advantages of the western world. They also believe it is their right to abuse white woman. They still blame Westerners for slavery!!! its their way of getting back which they never had in the first place.
  • edited 5:15PM
    be careful be very careful i met a nigerian here and landed up supporting him for three years and have to put up with him treating me like i was rubbish and i can tell you all the things said here about how they look out for each other is true well three years later i am bankrupt and also found out that he is married in a court of law and in church and has four children from the ages of fifteen to nine the youngest one he does not even know as it was not born when he left nigeria and yes his wife knew about me but did not mind that i found out after i got her phone number. Dont fall into the trap i did
  • edited October 2014

    ladies be very careful with online romance involving men from other Countries. I married someone from Nigeria 2 years ago, believing he loved me, and it has not only broken my heart what he's done to me, but also cost me literally everything financially I had.. After staying there 3 months, I found out he has a customary wife who he told me was his sister. And he has a child with her. I found their wedding photos on his friends facebook account. The entire family, including the children took part in duping me. He continues to act as if this is a valid marriage when he calls, and it's not. You may feel like you can not live without this man, but get out of this while you can. it's all an act to dupe you into a sham marriage to go live your Country. If the man truly loves you he can figure out a way to meet you in your Country. My identity has been stolen since I came home. I will have to pay for a divorce or annulment even though the marriage would be void in Nigeria because of the real wife. Nigeria would be a good place to visit through a church or charitable organization, but it is not a good place to marry someone unless they live in your Country, and have been in a long term relationship. Do yourself a favor and block anyone overseas who professes love and wants to marry you, unless they can get to your Country on their own. Nothing hurts more than finding out your in a sham marriage after the fact. It's not like you can sponsor someone to come to you after finding out this, or you could be party to a crime, and who in the hell wants someone else's husband,.Find your partner in your own Country, and you won't be hurt like I and countless women and men have been. it's all a sham and scam in most cases. And not worth it in the end. Don't let this happen to you. I wish someone would have warned me. And if you go after this warning, I was locked in the house almost three months, and my passport and bank cards taken. Another lady in my area was locked in the house 5 months, and her husband had three other wives, and the US Embassy had to rescue her. You do not want this type of heartbreak or humiliation.
  • edited October 2014
    The marriage is bigamous and you should have reported it to the Nigerian authorities. As it is a bigamous marriage you do not have to divorce as the marriage certificate is not worth the paper its written on.

    Many people have successful marriages with people from different countries,: your advice not to have a relationship with someone from another country is ridiculous. Though why anyone would hook with someone from Nigeria, is incredible to me, given the appalling reputation of Nigerians. You were foolish enough to travel alone to Nigeria to marry someone you did not know and you suffered the consequences.

    You should be thankful that you did not bring this man to your home country it could have been much worse.
    Sorry no sympathy from me.
  • "... I wish someone would have warned me..."


    And then what would have happened, Chaitramoon? My bet is you would have changed nothing. My bet is that ALL your friends and family implored you to not go through with this preposterous arrangement and obvious scam - yet you ignored them.

    I truly hope that you've woken up and gained some common sense.

    Best of luck.


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