Marriage after meeting on internet - advice please



  • edited 3:17AM
    Hi Angeleyess,

    Please, do ask for divine direction for your marriage, same applies to prospective Nigerian Wives.

  • edited 3:17AM
    I am married to a nigerian man and we met online. We have been talking for almost two years now. We were married 5 months ago. I have been to Nigeria twice now both times for two weeks. My husband sent me a phone to be able to contact him when i landed. Which i strongly recommend you do that and he made sure i had airtime to put on it. I really enjoyed my stay there and was well worth the trip. I have no regrets of making the trip to him and thankful that he is in my life.
  • edited 3:17AM
    Please i need help....I am one of those foolish woman from America that fell in love and still love my husband from Lagos Nigeria...but i have found out some things about him and i need to know how to get a divorce or an annulment from this marriage...I went to Nigeria the first time to meet him and it was my first time flying any where and i was never afraid...After staying there for over a week he asked me to marry him and i accepted....On October 11th 20012 we were married in Lagos Nigeria and i stayed with him until November 14th....but this time when i left him at the airport i did not feel like he really loved me or was going to miss me..i felt like he was glad to be rid of me....i cried the whole way home...but after i arrived home we con't to talk as much as we could till after Christmas...then the talks grew fewer and fewer...i seen how he has to live there and i loved him so i started sending him money and since i live on a fixed income borrowed money when i could to send him too...but now it has became too much and i cannot con't supporting two families and he is a lot younger than me and I need to let him go...He needs to marry someone his age and have a family...i was hoping i could give him a child but i cannot..cos we have tried....This is the hardest thing for me to do cos i do love him so much..but i need to get a divorce or an annulment to set him how can i do that....any info or advise would be greatly appreciated....i cannot discuss this with him cos he will just talk me out of it like he has done before...and if he is using me for a green card it is going to take a long time cos of the money you need for all the applications and visas and passport.....and yes i know of the scams there and i know what he has done in the past and probably is still doing....but i will never turn him in cos of the way their government is is all corrupt and when they have a job they do not get paid what they should get paid for the amount of work they do...and again i have seen this ....There is so many young ones there that the government should be helping and don't...there is a lot of talented and smart children there that could really make a difference in their country if they were given the proper education and funding.....i am just a stupid American Woman who needs to let her young husband any advise will help...thank you....
  • i have red all of the comments on this page and they all are good advice, but what i want to no is how is the mens in benin city i have just met a man on fb and we have been chatting for 3 month he tells me he loves me and he want me to come and see him but i am afraid that he is not who he says he is i have seen pic of him and i have talk to his brother, but i would like some advice should i go there and meet him or just for get about him he seem like a nice guy hes in college, i really would like to meet him but if it is a scam then im out. =((
  • am really feeling real down now ,would have cried if I was still a kid.i am a Nigerian based in southafrica,i got a lady online she is from Australia,we hv been dating long time,i send her gifts once in every month,i hv neva asked her for money or complained,she wants me to come to Australia bt it wnt be dt easy as it could be for her to com here.i told her to com to southafrica so we could marry n she can go bak with the documents,i promised to pay her flight I am scared cus if she read all dis stories about Nigerian I will loose her.pls my fellow Nigerians les stop dis scams pls:'(
  • Hi pals. i have read various comment about Nigerian scam n all that. you are right if you say that,however, there are many Nigerians who are just all you need to make a perfect relationship in life. I live in the uk and i met a lady from the US and it was all online stuff. our first meeting i had to send her money for the flight. its all about you knowing what you want and identifying ways of getting details about that you really want. However, My only advice is don't send money to anybody either Nigeria or not for the first time. if you are a lady, let the man do the money aspect. if your trip is $1000, tell him to pay 70%. if he goes with that, find more details about him and hope for the best. Good Luck.
  • Hi.  I'm from Canada.   I manage this single parents webpage.  Months ago, I watched a Dr. Phil show about scams coming out of Nigeria (that showed told lots about how these men and they work their lucrative business), Even after knowing all that I thought I knew about online romantic scams I fell into the trap of  a guy that found my page (women, specially single are vulnerable and the best targets).  The worst part is, I lost money.  But I am making it my mission to stop this scamming and fraud at least from him.  

    I had a gut instinct the second day he started talking to me.  But the christian heart blinded me. The relationship ended this past weekend (we online dated for almost two months).  Anyway, bu even if it hadn't fbeen for the money I sent and phone numbers that he gave me, I wouldn't have found out who the person behind the photos and scam was. This guy still has his profile on facebook. He's good looking alright.  But so nobody else falls into his trap I'll tell you about my story:   He goes by the name Lewis Brown. It says on his profile he is an  oil rig engineer (one of the classical tales eh Ladies).  It also says that he is from Los Angeles but  lives in Oakland, California, US.  He even has likes to his photos from women.  Anyway, I don't want to give out too many details because my investigation is still going on and I'm preparing the paperwork (records of emails, texts and facebook messages, and other documents we exchanged) to show my local police.  Everything I'm telling you here I found out myself.  When I found out who he was I told him I wante him to learn his lesson.  that I was going to go to the authorities. He got a bit scared, I guess.  He deleted his facebook page for a week only though.  Has deleted both of his email addresses I knew.  Actually in this story there are three guys that I know are involved for sure, and two  others whom I know were involved in a lesser way.  The third guy involved is Mark Alyson, and on his profile he is from Texas.  This Mark was made up (could be his real photo, but maybe not) in order to make me believe there was a hacker out there.  Anyway, the actual guy behind the photos of Lewis Brown is also a white guy, but like I said I don't want to  let out too much.  The other mastermind behind is a Nigerian, his name is Junaid Y. Olaide.  He confessed to being the one pretending to be Lewis Brown but also apologized and told me he was deeply in love.  Of  course after all the money I had lost, and all the lies and pretending I was disgusted and angry and refused to believe anymore. So ladies please pay attention. So you don't get scammed.  

    Look for these signs:  If a man, usually white, good looking, wants to be friends with you and within a week of having met tells you are the woman of his dreams WATCH OUT.  Not only that, if you spot broken English or shortened words such as talkin, as (has), am ( I am), etc.; talk about being a man of God or God fearing; makes you feel guilty because he feels insulted you are doubting him; asks you for your money because he is  in a grave need, (e.g. no money for hotel bills) even though he is an engineer or contract worker working in Nigeria (specially but could be another country); shows you documents with his name; call you his wife or fiance; wants to send you gifts; does't want you to tell your family because it's too soon to tell them; promises that he will repay you as soon his contract is over (or as soon as he goes back home or as soon as he gets his heck because there were not enough funds to pay all workers); is very polite and use sromantic words (even poems); sends you pictures of what he is doing (I found two of the ones he sent me were on the internet, they were of someone else of course); texts you from a cell phone (even though the area code seems it is from the U.S., pinger is a free calling and texting service that gives you a real US or Canadian number even though you may not be in these countries); and ESPECIALLY if he calls you and you hear an African accent (I work with immigrant families and I know how Nigerians sound like)  BE WARE.  These are all RED FLAGS.  

    Check them men/women out, ask lots of questions (personal questions). They may tell you their immediate family has died, wife, husband, kids, parents.  This Lewis said he was an orphan (actually I later found out that this Olaide was a true orphan).  Olaide has deleted his facebook profile but his language (typos and phrases) were the same Lewis Used.  I demanded my money back but of course I didn't get it.  Olaide's explanation was, I wasn't the one that collected the moneygram (one of two I sent).  The guy (who was supposed to be an engineer who fixed the machine that needed to be fixed in order to resume the construction of a gas plant) took the money I wired.  And another thing,  they also ask for money orders as they prefer cash as opposed to  bank transfers and wires because they don't want to give out personal information. Moneygram told me in Nigeria it is a REQUIREMENT for someone receiving a monegram to HAVE a bank account.  So if they are there working temporarily they shouldn't have a Nigerian bank account. These guys are professional criminals. They know how to falsify id and make up their own documents.  They even tell you are concerned for your safety, not to use your credit card because it is not safe to do those kinds of transactions.

    There are ways to find out who they are.  If you want to know how, here is my email address:

    Take care and may God helps end this ever rising problem.  And yes, there are good people in every country, just as like there are good people in every religion and in every family.

  • Hi people,
    I was on on around March 15th 2014 and msg by a lady proclaiming to be looking for someone to love her and be man of her dreams.
    Says she was from Brooklyn NY lives with her auntie. Says she was 32 and sent me couple photos. She was cute and I asked why she was interested in me. She said her last bf cheated with her best friend and someone told her older man know what they want and don't play games. We were talking every day for like a week and I was in love I guess. We had so much in common. I have a good job I guess and she was going to school to be an registered nurse. Told me her parents were dead and she now was going to see her mom's family she never met that lived in Ghana. Her dad was from the Philippine's. She said her auntie was treating her bad and she would finish her schooling in Ghana. She proclaimed her love for me and promised she would make me the happiest man alive. Right there I should have realized she was lying!
    She said her name was Fatima Laminu. I sent her a phone to communicate with me, she had a sim card. Then she wanted upkeep money cause it was very expensive to live over there. Did the whole western union thing. After giving for her documents to come back and then the family knocking fee and ring I was getting excited cause she was getting ready for her finals to graduate. She finally sent me a naked pic to show how committed she was to me. I asked for photo's school id and passport and picture of family. Granny, uncle, auntie and cousin. Then it fell apart when uncle requested at family meeting for traditional marriage fee which is customary to culture.... $11,500!!!!!! Now she has already gotten few thousand from me (yes I am stupid)!I had been frantically searching scam sites for her picture hoping and praying not to find but wishing I would to end this torture. I told her uncle only had 7k and he came down to 10,500 and said nice things about me, he was convincing.
    Then I told Fatima I needed a hug but would settle for a selfie of her out and about that day. The pics she sent she said her friend Vivian took in street and home on couch. She looked younger and was NOT wearing ring she bought with money I sent her. I hit the roof! We fought she sent pic with ring on but something was not right. I told her I take the ring thing very serious. Then I wanted to webcam she said ok. I called her on the webcam as it wasn't her... we fought again. I knew I had
    seen this video girl somewhere. I search scam sites again and found it!!!!
    Then I found something I wish I had discovered a lot of dollars ago.... Google Image Search!!!!
    Low and behold the pics she sent me were of a Latino porn star named AJ Estrada!!!!!!
    I bagged her on this and she said she could explain!!! Most people would walk away but I need answers. Who is this person??? I've been still talking to her last week and half and have her real name (only God Knows for sure). We skyped once. Says her name is Kadiatou Sesay and she is black. I've been stringing her along to get a video chat with her again but she is holding out. I told her I will not send anymore money until we Skype again. She always has an excuse for everything.
    Don't know how much more I can scam her as we had another fight tonight. LOL
    Anyways I have no intentions of sending another penny!!!
    Her uncle also gave me an account number at Ecobank with name of Rapid Dreams Ventures. I don't intend on sending Uncle any money. He shold have taken the 7k before her and I got in a fight and I discovered her scam!!!!!
    So watch out people for pretty pics and use Google Image Search from the beginning. I know all people aren't bad and there are good people even in Ghana. But just like here in the States there are bad people out there. Wish I found out before it cost me a good chunk of change!!!!!
  • Yes there are good and bad people but there is no fool like an old fool
  • I've read through all the comments and there is a good mixture of GOOD and BAD.....I agree that you have to follow your gut and no matter where your at be careful and always look around at your surroundings.  @Angeleyess, I am going through the same concerns as you have.  I met my man online, we've been communicating through skype, and all social media, texting ,calling, you name all the time videos....Its a daily conversations....I'm planning on visiting Nigeria in July for 2 weeks, and he will be coming back to the US with me eventually where were getting married there instead of getting married in Nigeria.  I just feel that like so many people have said there are good and bad everywhere, and sometimes you have to take a chance....Your gut will never tell you wrong and I've never had any bad gut feelings....I just want some suggestions as to what to pack...Got hotel reservations not to far from airport.  I always appreciate any comments or sugggestions
  • Hey, I haven't had the time yet to read all of the posts here. I read a couple so far. I was just wondering if someone can guide me in the right direction before I make a decision. I also met a man online from Nigeria. However, I suspect he may be married and may be trying to marry me and get his green card in order to divorce me later and bring his real wife here. Not 100% certain. Maybe Im just paranoid because I have trust issues from my last relationship and I have had people attempt to scam me before but they have failed! I was on to them from the very beginning. Anyway, my question is how can I look up his marriage license or criminal record. he lives in Lagos. I am under the impression that you can not and it frustrates me because for those of you who are from the U.S. know that stuff is public knowledge and can be research relatively easy. The other thing is that I have noticed that people are suggesting to met him here first in the U.S. I am under the impression that he can not do that. You have to go to Nigeria in order to prove that you are in a relationship with this individual first in order for them to come here. Any thoughts or suggestions?
  • edited May 2014
    The reason it is difficult to check if a Nigerian is married or not is because their are three acceptable forms of marriage in Nigeria.
    1. Civil registration, where you marry at city hall/register office.
    2. Customary marriage sometimes known as tribal marriage
    3. Nikah which is the Islamic marriage.

    None of theses weddings need to be formally registered with the local authority. It is also to easy to obtain fake marriage and divorce certificates in Nigeria. Even a criminal record check can be falsified .

    Your boyfriend can apply for a fiance visa to enter the US you do not have to go to Nigeria to visit him.

    My question is, why would want to hook up with a man if you can not know for sure whether he is married, has a criminal background and maybe wants to marry you for a visa and last but not least you have never met him.
    To me ( and I am sure many other people) that sounds absolutely crazy.

  • Yes it does sound crazy to many im sure. I thank you for getting back to me with that information, however he can not come here on a fiance visa without me going to Nigeria first to prove our relationship by way of plane tickets, photographs, etc...Ive already spoke with U.S. immigration.
  • I am an immigration lawyer and I can confirm that you do not have to fly to Lagos, you could meet anywhere or he could apply for a US tourist visa. For my safety I would visit him in Gambia for example that has a thriving tourist industry and does not have the safety issues of Nigeria.

    He probably wants you to go to Nigeria so you can marry while you are there..
  • I've been told it's hard for nigerians to geet a visa to the US because they are.strict because of all the scams going on. Hes been denied twice. I.cant.remember for what kind of visa....i wanna and then hes.coming back.over and were getting married in the US. And we have and have had every.kind of.communication for a year
  • ALL countries are strict on visas for Nigerians not just the US and meeting on line and one visit to Nigeria does not make a relationship. If he has been denied a visa twice by the US Embassy he may have a very difficult time to obtain a visa even a fiance/marriage visa. Good luck you are going to need it.
  • Alethia, thank u again for ur feedback. You are right as u know. I went to immigration in person yesterday n I guess I assumed it had to be Nigeria but they just said u have to meet in person they didnt necessarily specify where. However, the longer that I talk to this man the less I am interested in this whole idea. Too much suspicious activities around this man and lies that I pick up on. When I call him out on things that I pick up he of course denies any allegations. lol. And yes he recently wanted me to go to Nigeria to marry him. I initially agreed then I came to my senses. I told him that he should just come here on a B2 visa to visit for a while to see if we even get along in person first which to my surprise he agreed. However Im not sure if I even want that. I am losing interest due to discrepencies in some of his statements and avoidance of some of my questions. Very suspicious.
  • Follow your instincts, stay suspicious and don't be taken in by this man's lies. Of course he agreed to come to the US that's exactly what he wants. Be very careful.
  • DAMN THIS WHITE women are mumu oh .. Sorry to be so blunt..  First of all :

    1. Most responsible nigerian men do not go for caucausian women.. This is because of the HUGE HUGE CUltural difference.. You believe so much in equality in a funny manner.. For example , you really expect a Nigerian man to cook and share home chores with you? lol... That is not our culture.. Hence they stick to nigerian women mostly 

    2. Most well brought up Nigerians will have their parents constantly telling them NOT TO BRING HOME A WHITE PERSON.. Too much cultural difference and all

    3. If you are a white lady especially if you are big and a nigerian man tells you he loves you too soon .. You are 99% likely to be in for a scam.. I have seen this alot.. The good nigerians don't like things like this but unforturnately we get sterotyped due to the actions of the bad ones ..

    4. Seriously stop sending money to nigerian men.. In our culture the man mostly spends on you not the other way round ..He pays the house bill, the school fees for the kids  and even give you the money for food stuff.. Your role is to work ( Nigerian women are hardworking we arent really so much of a stay at home type ), take care of the family, cook, clean the house ( Those are your work ... You shouldnt send money to him.. You can support him money wise in some cases but most times you shouldnt be)... The ego of an african man is to provide for his family financially .. 

    5. Again dont expect him to do house chores.. This is the third time im saying this.. It is degrading for a Nigerian man to be expected to this .. He can decide to help you , He is only helping you out its not his role

    6. Stop believing a man who tells you he love you quickly.. Seriously... A typical nigerian woman is very hard to get.. We were brought up that way hence its abit funny to imagine how easily you believe some nigerian men

    7. Not all nigerian men are scammers.. Damn... Its just that the serious ones rarely approach white ladies.. 

    8. If you are one of the lucky 1% who finds a responsible Nigerian man who loves you pls  do not attempt to be the boss of the house, it never works, make your children learn his language, be respectful to your in-laws (his relatives ),expect to have cultural clash once in a while but if God is by your side your marriage will work.. Most nigerians are religious .. Nigerian women get up as early as 5 am, we cook breakfast ( eg rice  and other nigerian dishes ), we clean the house, prepare the kids for school , get ready to work, pray as a family, come back from work, pick up the kids, cook again and do other chores .. Are you really ready for that type of life? It is different to the type you are used to.. That is how nigerian women are groomed and that is what a typical nigerian man will expect because that is what he preceives as normal... There will be few exceptions though especially when dealing with nigerian men that were raised abroad.. They might not be so  typical but many will be.

    9. Being married to a nigerian man for 4 years is not enough to say he isnt with you for visa purpose.. I have seen a case of a man being married to an australian for 5 years before leaving her and getting married to a nigerian woman immediately
  • 10.. Please be wise and dont be easily decieved.. If you are not sure about him ask a HONEST nigerian woman she will tell you the truth. 

    11. Last but not the least, Nigerian men are famous for not wanting to marry a woman just because she already has a child unless something like death made her a single mum.. If you have reason to doubt a  nigerian man's true love for you and you already have a child, he is most likely a scammer 99.7%.
  • Lovelace Tito, I totally 100 percent agree with u on every single point that u have made and thank u for sharing for everyone reading! Ive done my homework on Nigerian men, relationships n culture and what uve said is everything that ive learned. I know ur also right about them not doing chores, etc .. I have no problems with anything relating to the culture n expectations because ive already been doing those things a Nigerian woman does for 18 years now! Thats just who i am as a woman anyway! I believe in a man n womans role from a Christian perspective. I think a Nigerian woman from what ive read is a great example for a woman to be!( Proverbs 31 Woman). The only thing i would not tolerate from a Nigerian man though is his mistresses. In America we dont tolerate infidelity for any reason. Other than that Id be fine. But u are right about the race card too from what ive read and i even asked my Nigerian man about this n of course he denies that its a problem. i dont believe him or maybe his family is in on the scam to help him in any way to get his greencard!! idk. Lastly, I refuse to send a grown ass man money--- period! For two reasons...1- you are a man n u should be providing for me. a man looking to a woman for financial support gets no respect from me unless we were already in a relationship n he lost his job no fault to his own 2- Im not his Momma!!! I have children of my own and ill be damn if i take from my kids mouths to give $$ to him! Oh let me make a third point--- I love my money and i work hard for mine so i dont part with it except to help those that are there for me as well! I dont break bread with users! I work full time as a Nurse n go to school full time in the evening! Ill tell a man in a minute to go get his A$$ a job!
  • Hi NurseSwagger2012,
    I've been reading your posts and I'm glad to hear you are realizing this guy is scamming you. I too went thru a similar situation but she was very good and I was flattered that this pretty woman would be interested in me. I was married for over twenty years so the though of starting over was kind of refreshing.
    She convinced me we would be together and I sent her money while she was finishing her degree for nursing. She was living in NY then went to Ghana to finish to be with her mums family who she had never met.
    I also encountered discrepancies in her story and we would get in arguments like we were already married. I finally found out who she wasn't when the photos she sent turned out to be a porn star! I had no idea the pictures were innocent and clothed. Wasn't till we web cammed and I knew it was fake. Wish I had realized before she got a lot of money from me.
    I met her on which is a breeding ground for scammers I found out. I don't send money to anyone anymore. Not even an airline ticket.
    these people have an excuse for everything. Don't blame yourself for being fooled. I don't know you but know you are better than him and any of his lies. Just a note there are plenty of fish in your own pond. Life's too short to search so far away for true love.
    I have encountered a couple more Ghana scammers but I am well educated now and wont be tricked again.
    I paid for my degree in the art of dating. Lol
    Remember what Dorothy learned in the Wizard of Oz.... you can go looking for your dreams but you should start by looking in your own back yard.
    Good luck in your search for love and romance. :)
  • @nurseswagger2012.... I read most of your post on here and other people's post, its nice to hear all you said, but the truth is this love knows no bound nor colour, if you're truly in love with him, then you won't be discouraged except you have proof that he's been lying to you all along because a man who truly cares about you would not lie to you, and one funny thing about lies is that if you tell just one lie, you will need two other lies to cover up that lie which will amount to distress in the end. I've had stories about Nigerian men that got married to caucasian and white women, some even come to Nigeria and do their court wedding, it is real , it has happened before and its happening, maybe this will help if you are on facebook, search for "interracial dating" and you will see beautiful stories of Africans getting married to whites abroad... All you need do is define your taste, and go for it but be more careful so you don't fall in the wrong hand.
  • hi i also met my boyfriend online too,we havent met,he wants me to visit him in the UK but we dont what pertinent information to be included in the letter aside from his information about himself and his work.

    should we put in there how we met online and that the relationship is geniune?

  • You are applying for a general visit visa, there is no need to say you met on line, you just put in the letter you are friends and your boyfriend is inviting you to stay. The onus is upon you not your boyfriend to show you have a job and responsibilities to return to and sufficient funds to pay for your visit.

    By the way this is not the UK section
  • Hi ladies,pls advise what is needed when the South African lady getting married to a Nigerian man in Nigeria?
  • 1.) Get your head examined.


    Good luck.

  • 1. I agree with Terry :smiley:
    2. One of you needs to apply for a visa so you can marry in either South Africa or Nigeria

    Terry your comments crack me up :smiley:
  • it's so said seeing comments about some Nigerians marrying foreigners for visas etc using it as a means to enrich themselves & family without LOVE just pretence but there are few Nigerians who marry white Men/Women and contribute so much in there that money alone cant buy bcos they have ideas & right plans which makes them valued however care is needed wen coming to Nigeria frm overseas like security(bcos sum low minded people sees them as means to get money) hotel or lodge/house etc D only probs is nt all can afford D flight, security, hotel/feeding etc when sum1 so different frm Nigerian system/culture is coming over eg frm Asia, Europe etc
  • edited June 2
    heard it all before.
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