merry with pakistani as foreigner


  • This is a very personal issue. For me, lots of warning bells in your description! If he is easily angered and wants to control every aspect of your life now imagine how much worse he is likely to be when you are his wife. If he can't respect you and the kind of lifestyle you want to live then it won't work. I don't know what your situation is, but don't even consider marrying him until you are sure you want to - if it was right you probably wouldn't be airing your doubts on a public forum like this. Trust your instincts. One doesn't like to generalize, but according to reliable sources like the World Economic Forum, Pakistan still has one of the worst gender equality records in the world. Is he living in Indonesia or is this a purely online relationship?
  • :( online relationship sis. it has been 2 years but he sometimes sent me gifts or money for me to study in indonesia
  • You need to think very carefully about this. If you get married, would you be expected to move to Pakistan where you have no friends or family to help you if there is trouble? I agree with Ella that his angry and controlling behaviour doesn't sound good. Please don't put yourself in a dangerous position.
  • Don't marry him without meeting him! People can be totally different in person to online. Try and get him to come to Indonesia and spend a holiday with you. And if you still fancy marrying him after spending some actual time together then do some serious research about Pakistan and what it is like to live there as a foreigner and a woman. Assuming, that is, that he would expect you to move there to live with him.
  • Anya and Ella: i know it, in past he is so soft to me, treats me well but time by time he is more possessive, he could angry to me because of a little problem, he will not forgive me easily when i do mistake, although i say sorry to him many times, he could angry to me till 1-2 weeks
    he likes to blame me and remember my mistake, while he couldn't realize when he does mistake to me
  • In in my job as a lawyer I see many marriage break ups between Pakistani men and British / EU women who are Muslims and often of Pakistani heritage. These divorces occur because of the type of behaviour you describe in your original post.

    Unfortunately it is my experience that many Pakistani men who live in Pakistan and move to another country to marry a European Muslim or a Muslim from a free thinking society such as Indonesia  have difficulty in accepting that woman have the right to work and are equal partners. Domestic violence plays a great part in these break ups.

    The possessiveness, swearing, violence and jealousy he displays is unacceptable and will be much worse in a marriage. You are not his to control and his behaviour is abusive. 

    If I were you I would finish this relationship ( which I think may be on line so far) and discuss these issues with an older female you trust and respect.

  • sis he treats me hardly. although i love him but i feel afraid to tell manythings to him..just when i go out of home because of my study he will say many time that i go out with boy........i would like to end this relationship but i still can't forget him
  • i often feel he doesn't treat me well like what he does to a woman....he often hurt me verbally ...
  • Zahra, please read what I, Anya and Ella have written. This is abuse and you really do not have to take this from him.
    Can you tell me please have you met this young man or is this an online romance?
  • online sis
    but he said he will come in Augustus, his mom sometimes called me and talked to me, his sister too.......
    his mom often says she needs me soon but really time by time i'm afraid 
  • I was sure this was an online romance. If you feel so afraid and abused now, imagine how you will feel if you meet this young man and you are dragged in deeper and deeper.

    You must stop now. Just tell this young man politely in writing that it is over and then stop all contact with him. Block him , change your phone number etc. Do not get caught up in a big argument, it is your prerogative to change your mind. No one has the right to abuse you mentally or physically and you know this.

    It makes me wonder why his mother wants you so soon is it because she knows her son has problems and no local girl wants him?  What are your parents saying about this. I am sure they do not want you to be unhappy. 

  • he dont like pakistan girls
    he gave to me the number of girls who love him there...........
    my sisters are afraid if i merry with him, he will hard more to me
  • Alethia can you give me some example the violence often happen in pakistan to women? and how the men often treat women there? 
  • edited July 2014
    Zahra , this man does not live near you in your town or even in the same country, so why are you so afraid? You can stop this romance at any time . Your relationship with this man is not normal, he is controlling and abusive and the situation is unhealthy.

    90% of women in Pakistan suffer domestic violence and there is no law to protect them.

  • i still couldn't forget in the past memory when he was so soft to me and treated me well....but time by time he is more possessive, angry easily and cant forgive my mistake easily, he could hurt him self also when i hurt him ........
    i would leave him but he is still in my mind.........he who i know in past not for this time
  • edited July 2014
    In most people lives they have a boyfriend or girl friend they broke up with that causes sadness but they move on and have happy fulfilling lives with a different partner.

    The main thing to remember is that online relationships are not real, the internet is not reality.
  • i know sis but 2 years he supported me in study ..........
    n time by time he treats me worse n worse
    he said bulshitt fuck you and etc
    i really didn't ever got the words from other boy except them
    indonesia boy never treat girl like that
  • Zahra, I know its very very difficult to break up with somebody and try to move on but this really does sound like a potentially dangerous relationship. Ending it may cause you pain, but it sounds like the relationship already does hurt you, and I'm sure it will only continue to get worse with time. The longer you let it drag on with him supporting your studies, the more guilty you will feel and the harder it will be to end it. Just pull the plug and find somebody who will respect you and treat you well.
  • Zahra I am going to stop responding to you as you are being very silly and answering your own questions. You are not in a real relationship the man is abusive and you can stop this nonsense any time you want. It is the internet not real life.
  • Ella: thanks for this advice :) you are right
    Alethia: im not silly......don't u ever feel love could grow up through anything
    thanks for answers
  • No, I believe in the real world not fantasy.
  • you have right on it
    n i have right on my way

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